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Enhancing the experience
If travel awards were to be handed out for sheer and utter opportunism, London’s Luton airport would take the cake. For “just” 3 pounds, or around $NZ7.50, passengers on departing airlines can "buy priority through security". This is billed as a “fast and efficient option for those passengers looking to take the quickest possible route through security”. More so, “the Priority Lane has been designed to give an ‘executive lounge’ feel and enhance the ‘flying experience’”. Welcome to corporate-speak at its most startlingly cynical, the airport bosses turning their own inefficient but compulsory security processes into an opportunity to generate additional revenue. We guess they must be admired for their entrepreneurial cheek.
And while on the subject of cheek, a while ago we watched on television the chief executive of Ryanair, one of the United Kingdom’s leading discount airlines, talk about the possibility of his airline charging passengers for using onboard toilets. It was just a theoretical discussion, but he saw no reason why passengers who didn’t use the toilets should pay the same travel costs as those who did. User pays, his mantra.
Ever the budget conscious travelers, we have been eager to exploit the recession and take advantage of special offers and travel discounts for a few side trips out of London, and they are being advertised everywhere. Aer Lingus has free seats available from London to Dublin, while Ryanair has a selection from as low as one pound each way. Easyjet had single trip fares to exotic destinations in Portugal and Spain on sale for as low as 16 pounds and on that basis we should be clocking up carbon miles by the reckless thousands. But it is never that simple. Behind the advertised fares are add-ons and they are extraordinary. For example, free return seats on Aer Lingus from London to Dublin requires the additional payment of 59.98 pounds in taxes, 10 in handling fees and a further 20 for a single checked-in bag. So, the cost of these so-called free fare return flights is 89.98 quid (or $NZ227) per person, with another 7.50 pound for optional insurance and, for the sporty, 50 each way for equipment such as skis or golf clubs.
Ryanair has a more extensive range of add-ons. On-line check in generally costs 5 pounds per pop, optional flight confirmation by text message 1 pound, and, to be one of the first to board the plane another 6. Our return trip to Dublin saw the 32 pounds in fares and taxes inflate to a total of 72 pounds.
We have booked a trip to Geneva on Easyjet in June and for a further 26 pounds on top of the other charges we can apparently be among the first through the gate to get the widest choice of seats, whatever that means, plus have access to a dedicated check-in desk.
Meanwhile, in London we have a new acquaintance, his name is David. Not that we have seen him or even know his surname, but our friend from New Zealand, Nanette, took us out in his car on Friday for a rare above-ground exploration of London and beyond. As a consequence of his generosity David may now have some serious traffic infringement issues to take care of, a result of the London authorities obsession with CCTV cameras. No misdemeanor goes undetected, however minor.
Aside from our sneaking out of a hotel carpark without paying, which was simply an act of sheer criminality, we blame SatNav, the in-car global positioning system, for the wrong turns, occupation of bus lanes, parking on double yellow lines, and failing to stop at red traffic lights which marred our day. Such were SatNav’s contradictory instructions, we spent the first three hours trying to get away from an area called The Angel Islington to which, for some reason, we kept returning to, like neurotic homing pigeons. Nevertheless, we did get to see both sides of the river, several times, the Smithfield Meat Markets, the Leadenhall Market, places of interest around the Monument and Pudding Lane, and the tenements of the East End before veering out towards the M25, and over the Queen Elizabeth Bridge which crosses the Thames on the Essex, Kent border. The bridge is one-way, the return journey is through a tunnel which is not quite as scenic. For us it was a good day out, but for David it may have been an expensive one. Still, by the time the traffic tickets roll in, Nanette will be back in New Zealand and we’ll be in hiding.