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Consumer guarantees
There are innumerable stories of travelers who come to Thailand and never leave such is the country's charm. And then there are others, such as the two big fellows at our hotel, both retired, who return on a seemingly endless basis. One, an English Australian who lists Bathhurst as his official residence, has been coming here for years and appears just to sit at the bar between meals seemingly finding no reason to move much further. He has just returned to Bathhurst after being here for eighty-two days and running up an accommodation bill of 80,000 baht ($NZ3,200). He'll be back in December for another stint, including filling his traditional role as the hotel's Father Christmas. The other bloke, from north England, spends ten months a year here and moves only about as far as his friend, generally sitting at a table all day overlooking the street, interrupting his gaze only for short bursts on the internet at the computer in the hotel lobby, restaurant or bar. We are told he phones his girlfriend back in the UK on a regular basis and that she does join him on the odd occasion. A curious arrangement.
Other than for work and extended visitor arrangements, the standard permissible length of stay in Thailand is thirty days if you arrive by air, and fifteen if by land. The shorter duration for land-based entry is so the authorities can keep some control over the number of Burmese here illegally. Quite hefty fines are meted out against those who overstay but tour operators have this under control. Most offer visa runs; every day of the week there are trips to the neighbouring Burma and Malaysia aimed at ensuring those whose visas are about to expire can leave the country and return with new, fresh entry arrangements. It is big business and there is nothing covert about it; these runs are openly advertised and, it seems, every old American hippy does a regular trek. Coincidentally perhaps, the authorities have announced that as of next week there will be a crack-down on people working without proper permits “to reduce the economic crime of the jobs of Thais being taken by outsiders illegally".
A couple of American warships are due to dock in Phuket later this week to allow a few days rest and recreation for the crew, one of the consequences being that ladyboys from all over Thailand are enticed to Phuket to enjoy the company of these men and their money. It may be that after the all-male on-board company some servicemen find the transition to female friendship too much and opt for the safety of a half-way measure. This raises the obvious question, however, of what happens when one actually wants a woman, woos "her"with food and drink all night and then, when things are set to get a little more romantic, finds out the breasts he has been admiring are accompanied by a full set of male genitalia. We will seek an opinion from those with legal knowledge of whether those who failed to notice the Adams apple could make a claim under the Consumers' Guarantees Act, or whether this is simply a case of caveat emptor, let the buyer beware.
Under the heading “US Warships Visit Brings Ladyboy Crime Invaders” PhuketWan recently reported that, during the last visit by servicemen, Denny Bowman, one of Phuket’s leading expat business identities, was mugged by three kateoys (ladyboys) and had his wallet nicked. We were relieved to learn that he managed to hang onto the Lion of the Year award which he was also carrying. “I was guarding it with my life,” he said.
Those concerned about our well-being during what may be a boisterous old time in Patong may be relieved to learn that for the next week we will be in Koh Samui, a small island off the eastern coast of Thailand. Reliable advice has it this island is beautiful, friendly, cheap and will soon be home to David Beckham, or at least one of the homes to David Beckham. He is building a house somewhere there and though he is reported never to have visited, his wife Victoria has been a couple of times.
One of the little intrigues previously reported, the lack of recall by one of the Kiwi-bar staff into the health of her injured Canadian boyfriend, may have a simple explanation. It turns out that Jo, an Australian woman who assists us maintain the viability of the bar, currently describes this particular Thai woman as her partner. It seems our question about a boyfriend may just have been put to her at an inopportune moment.